Hurtling dangerously toward employment

Of course I've been looking for a job. I've been doing everything a good job searcher should be doing; namely, applying for jobs.

Thing is, last time I was unemployed, I would send bazillions of resumes into a vast employment vacuum, never hearing from the company again. Every week when I claimed my unemployment benefits, I just checked "Yes" on the box that asked me if I've been looking for work and *poof* - a check would appear with my name on it. Days, weeks, months went by without a fear of having to accept a job offer because I was mostly convinced all the jobs I applied to were posted by the Unemployment Agency people themselves, just so those of us on the dole couldn't do nothing all day long.

This time? Not so easy. As soon as I thought I'd be let go I started submitting resumes with wild abandon. Why not? It's not like I was going to hear back from anyone for months, right? Wrong. Damn market is better now so when you apply for a job, people actually assume that you want it.

Good lesson to learn, I'd say. Because, through the process of hearing back from several companies with soul-sucking names like "Biotron" and "Avotistech," I realized how deeply allergic I am to "The Man." While I was grateful for the callbacks, when one glance at their web sites had me breaking out in hives, I knew that it wasn't meant to be.

Fortunately, it hasn't been too hard finding organizations that actually have a mission I can believe in. One company I was talking to writes software to help investment clubs manage their finances and tax forms. Another helps freshly graduated college students find jobs. And then, of course, there's the hospital I interviewed for that should win major "get into heaven" points when I'm eye to eye with Saint Pete. I'm hoping that just the thought of dedicating 50 hours of my work week to helping sick children will balance out some of my less savory acts of rebellion in my teenage years. Like that time I snuck out at night with some friends to rearrange the letters on a sign in front of the local ice cream shop so that all the flavors had dirty words in them. True, that's about as rebellious as I got and, true, the sign was locked behind glass so we couldn't actually rearrange anything, but hopefully my karma points are more in balance now.

So, after two full months of time off, I'm happy to announce I've accepted a job that will support people who want to make the world a better place by helping disadvantaged children. I wish I could tell you that's the only reason I took it, but I'm still trying to work out the algorithm to calculate the karma points for doing something good while also receiving a nice salary and a kick ass benefits package. It doesn't seem as noble if I'm not actually sacrificing anything to do it. Somehow, I'm okay with that.

The good news is that they don't need me to start for another couple weeks. Woo! More vacation! Time to adjust to the notion of working again. I think I'll need it. Today I rebelled against my impending employment by laying on my futon and watching 5 consecutive episodes of the Gilmore Girls. I ate all day long to the point of discomfort, but kept eating anyway. In renaissance times, I would have been considered among the wealthy elite for being so plump and oily. I think next time I work for a non-profit, I will try to find the people whose mission it is to bring that look back into vogue.